I don’t know why I wake up to talk to my boyfriend for.

It’s so sudden when I need you the most and your not there.
I wanted to say this for the past, I don’t know, month or so.

You know your responsible for talking to me. I was gonna wait for a while and see if you’d ever hit me up if I didn’t but whatever. Distance is hard but talking to me isn’t.

How come you can’t be that one person that does as much possible for his girlfriend.
Because I’m pretty sure, there wasn’t a day out there I missed out on you.

I just had to deal with it, and now it’s out.
How do you feel? Because I care about how you feel. Because I even watch what I say, thinking about how’d you feel with the things I say.
It’s not broken love. It’s just the love that can cherish me for the rest of my life.

I heard it was snowing.

I’d get up to enjoy every moment of it. But my eyes are too watery. And I’m starting to cry cause I’m up stupid thinking about stupid shit. And I’m too tired to get up.

I don’t know whats wrong with me.
I’m starting a new tumblr later.
I don’t want my venting and rambling to be out in the public where people can judge me anymore. Not that I ever cared, but I learned to. Fuck all y’all.

my best friend.

o:

    you’re not tired?
    go to sleep
lanoy Killahboo 4:29 am
    in a lil.
    life is full of surprises.
    maybe joseph will pop up outta no where if i think hard enough.
Alvin Darapheth 4:31 am
    um
Alvin Darapheth 4:31 am
    maybe [:
lanoy Killahboo 4:32 am
    my eyes hurt.
    for the past 2 days.
    i dont know whats going on.
Alvin Darapheth 4:34 am
    damnn
    i like that song o:
lanoy Killahboo 4:34 am
    me too.
    so you read it.
Alvin Darapheth 4:34 am
    so you listen to that hardcore house shit
    xD
    oh, the last thing you posted?
    dude
    i already read that
    like when you posted it
lanoy Killahboo 4:35 am
    oh.
    why didnt you tell me.
    im hardcore coming out right now.
Alvin Darapheth 4:35 am
    i thought you posted something else
lanoy Killahboo 4:36 am
    no.
Alvin Darapheth 4:36 am
    it’s alright though
lanoy Killahboo 4:37 am
    .
Alvin Darapheth 4:37 am
    you needa relax and realize that when you look back to this moment in the futuer, it won’t matter
lanoy Killahboo 4:38 am
    that’s like telling me i need to stop thinking for the rest of my life.
Alvin Darapheth 4:38 am
    i’m saying
Alvin Darapheth 4:38 am
    don’t stress out too much.
lanoy Killahboo 4:38 am
    how do i do that.
    when you cant do anything to prevent it.
    i cant do anything…
    im just so use to it that i just dont care about it anymore.
    but i dont want that to happen either
Alvin Darapheth 4:40 am
    how do you do that..?
    smoke weeeeeeeeeeeed
    no, jk
Alvin Darapheth 4:40 am
    i see right now you’re just dealing with it
    but it’s gonna get harder if you just try to ignore it
    i know it’s hard being a teenage asian girl
    really hard
lanoy Killahboo 4:42 am
    …
    ok.
    first of all.
    how the hell would you know your a teenage asian GUY
Alvin Darapheth 4:43 am
    becauseeeeee
lanoy Killahboo 4:43 am
    and what does being asian have to do with this?
    -__-
Alvin Darapheth 4:43 am
    you don’t get the jest of what i’m saying?
lanoy Killahboo 4:43 am
    no.
Alvin Darapheth 4:44 am
    don’t think too hard
lanoy Killahboo 4:44 am
    i’ve lost my sense of obeying and listening and getting adice from other people.
    and i know.
    im trying not to.
    its just..
    i do.
Alvin Darapheth 4:45 am
    do what you think is right
    i might suck at giving advice
lanoy Killahboo 4:45 am
    …
Alvin Darapheth 4:45 am
    just believe what you think is right
lanoy Killahboo 4:45 am
    i dont know.
    i dont know what part i think of i should believe.
    because if i do, i might get caught up into believing all my thoughts to the point where i end up sckrewing myself over.
    and you might suck. but your the only person i listen to. because your one that actually matters.
Alvin Darapheth 4:46 am
    that’s how you’re able to learn
lanoy Killahboo 4:47 am
    i dont want to make stupid mistakes.
Alvin Darapheth 4:47 am
    i’ve made plenty
    and i’ve learned from it
lanoy Killahboo 4:47 am
    i rather suffer thinking than making a stupid move
    even if i did make a move.
    i wouldnt know what to do.
    there would be nothing i can do
    to even try to get where i wanna be.
    im like at a dead end with just thoughts.
Alvin Darapheth 4:48 am
    take more risks
    you’re denying things even before anything happens
lanoy Killahboo 4:49 am
    cause i’m THAT careful alvin.
Alvin Darapheth 4:49 am
    you have nothing to be insecure aboutt
lanoy Killahboo 4:49 am
    or do i.
Alvin Darapheth 4:50 am
    like what?
    noone’s going to hurt you
lanoy Killahboo 4:50 am
    my thoughts are one thing.
    i can’t even express them out clearly as possible anymore
Alvin Darapheth 4:51 am
    then you talk about it
Alvin Darapheth 4:51 am
    and that’s what you’re doing
lanoy Killahboo 4:52 am
    when i speak of it. know for a fact that therers another thing that goes on in the back of my head.
    im that fucking crazy.
Alvin Darapheth 4:52 am
    yes
    they’re mood swings
    right?
lanoy Killahboo 4:53 am
    if it, and i realize that it is. then its not mood swings.
    its something else.
    i mean look at me.
    i dont eat, i dont sleep, i dont even care.
    im so unhealthy and everything else.
lanoy Killahboo 4:53 am
    i gave up and became an emotional fuck since when?
    thats what i wanna know.
Alvin Darapheth 4:54 am
    i think…
    when you started caring for other people more than you
    you should put yourself before anyone else
    take care of yourself
lanoy Killahboo 4:55 am
    i’m an asshole. but if some people means that much to me to put them before myself then i’ll do it.
Alvin Darapheth 4:56 am
    no you’re not.
    be more assertive
lanoy Killahboo 4:56 am
    and theres not that many people that i care about in this world, but i give them my all. because i know they’ll be there for awhile so i got nothing to lose.
    i am assertive.
Alvin Darapheth 4:57 am
    moree assertive
lanoy Killahboo 4:57 am
    if this is how i am than this is it.
    fact. people cant change the way they think of act.
    its just a there way.
    or*
    its just there way*
Alvin Darapheth 4:59 am
    ..
    i always tend to think positive
    and go with the flow type.
lanoy Killahboo 5:00 am
    i do think positive.
    and go with peoples “flow”
Alvin Darapheth 5:00 am
    i’m just saying, you’re thinking too much about the bad aspects of your life
lanoy Killahboo 5:01 am
    sigh.
    when i talk to you i feel like im arguing.
    im arguing because i want you to understand as much as possbile.
lanoy Killahboo 5:01 am
    and theres noone else that can tell me these things like you do.
    theyll stop because my words are stronger than what they tell me.
Alvin Darapheth 5:02 am
    it would be better if there’s a face to face conversation
lanoy Killahboo 5:02 am
    i hate your face
Alvin Darapheth 5:02 am
    thanks
lanoy Killahboo 5:02 am
    nothing comes out if its a face to face conversation
Alvin Darapheth 5:02 am
    OoOoOOokay thenn..
    over the phone.
lanoy Killahboo 5:03 am
    yeah. well too bad.
Alvin Darapheth 5:03 am
    ..
lanoy Killahboo 5:03 am
    i come out better.
lanoy Killahboo 5:03 am
    like this.
Alvin Darapheth 5:04 am
    it’s harder for me to understand though
    when i’m just reading your thoughts
lanoy Killahboo 5:04 am
    its straight foward.
Alvin Darapheth 5:04 am
    no
lanoy Killahboo 5:04 am
    no puns intended and no sarcasm.
    just read how youll read anything else.
    and take it in like you would.
    its simple.
Alvin Darapheth 5:05 am
    you make it sound so simple
    but it’s nott
    there’s no emotion in text
lanoy Killahboo 5:05 am
    i’m sorry.
    ill call you later.
Alvin Darapheth 5:05 am
    don’t bee
    um.
Alvin Darapheth 5:05 am
    no, you should probably go to sleep after this
lanoy Killahboo 5:06 am
    yeah i know.
    but if i cant sleep then im blasting your phone.
Alvin Darapheth 5:06 am
    make yourself sleep
lanoy Killahboo 5:06 am
    i can lay there for hours.
    and you know what.
Alvin Darapheth 5:06 am
    becausee
lanoy Killahboo 5:06 am
    i find myself praying sometimes.
Alvin Darapheth 5:07 am
    you’re always thinking about things before you go to sleep right?
    and why’s that?
lanoy Killahboo 5:07 am
    yeah. and i dont know.
    i just did it this one night.
    and yeah.
    i dont know.,
Alvin Darapheth 5:07 am
    praying… for what?
lanoy Killahboo 5:07 am
    nothing in particular.
Alvin Darapheth 5:07 am
    okai.
Alvin Darapheth 5:08 am
    well, just clear your mind before you go to sleep
lanoy Killahboo 5:08 am
    how do i do that?
Alvin Darapheth 5:08 am
    …
lanoy Killahboo 5:08 am
    brainwash myself?
Alvin Darapheth 5:08 am
    think about clearing your mind
lanoy Killahboo 5:08 am
    smoke weed until i cant think so more?
    no*
Alvin Darapheth 5:08 am
    it’s not hard
    yeah, you can do that
    but i wouldn’t turn towards drugs
    not yet
lanoy Killahboo 5:08 am
    not yet?
Alvin Darapheth 5:09 am
    lol.
    i mean.. drugs are bad
lanoy Killahboo 5:09 am
    your tellin’ me
    shake my diiick

January 8, 2011.

I’m going crazy. I don’t know what is. I don’t know what’s annoying me so bad, I don’t know what’s bothering me. Ever since the year started I’ve been laid back but quite aware of things. My mom has been bitching at me for the past 2 days for no reason. I’m about, too close, to doing something to give her a real reason to pissed off about. But forget that, I ain’t even mad anymore. I’m not mad because I know what keeps you going at me is my mouth. And what keeps my mouth going is being yelled at. I refuse to listen to anything, I haven’t done shit wrong. The only thing wrong is yelling at me at this time. Ever since the year started, my temper has gone out of control. One, I’m being an emotional fuck, but no one knows it. Two, I can’t control my anger anymore. But it feels good. I lose control, and in the end it’s like relief. It came down to being the only thing in my life that can give me relief. Because I can’t find it any where else. Because I can’t do anything else to feel that sense of relief. I’m an asshole to everyone and I just don’t give a fuck. It’s either step up, or get stepped on. I may swing around a cocky attitude, but fuck it. I’m sickened by my location. Every street I past by, every song that comes on the the radio, every time I close my eyes. I think of that one person that’s so distant from me. I think of Joseph constantly. There are some days I ask myself how I fell in love with him, and those days where I’m so weak I want to throw us into the trash can. It’s my mind that’s smart enough not to. It’s my heart that fears it. Hearing you, seeing you is like the get away I can’t have. There’s that one thing that people want and it’s happiness. It falls into the wrong hands and next thing you know the feeling becomes distinct for a person, and soon as a whole.

It’s anxiety that I’m holding in.

Yeah Its 5.

Yeah I just woke up, officially.
I hate the fucking day time.
And I fucking hate everyone.

I’m about to go to Jr’s house for some Pho.
Like every fucking weekend.

I’m heated at the moment, and I can box a damn nigga right now.
Fuck tumblr, they say facebook is the social site of fake people.
Naw nigga, this whole world is frontin’.

I feel so bothered today.

For no reason, really.

“Taylor Gang”… is weak.

Just had to put it out there.

Unfollows appreciated.

2bitchezdeep:

Cherry Bomb of 2BITCHEZDEEP.COM

We are going to live in the middle of nowhere in a nice ass home with a 4-6 car garage with that bathtub I want. Kay?

Okay.
:}

thahighlyfe:

HELLO KITTY X THA HIGH LYFE

It’s friday,

and tis the day I lose contact with uglyboi forever.
JK; every friday is where he’s getting knocked up by his homeboys.

And every friday my eyeballs hurt. &I’m dead ass about that.
Bouta shower & sleep before I go blind & I can’t stare at that cute “faux hawk” anymore, AHEM MOTHER FUCKING PAULY D CUUUT.

aH; oh and you shouldn’t let me play poker anymore I get pissed as shit when I win & then I lose. & As for any other game. Eversince the year started I’ve been having a reeeeaaaalll high temper. Dooons fcks with muahh :}

Getting sick of tumblr.

Why? Because;

Bitches are hungry.
Fake ass gang banging.
Some old shit from different people.
Nothing but asks.
Nothing but ass & tits on the dash.
BIG BOOTY BITCHES.